Tension.

Right now, I'm basking in the aftermath of a family gathering.

Since some of my relatives heard that I might be called for a job interview soon, they gave me a lot of advice about it. There were a lot of laughs too, considering how much I banged my head on the desk in mock frustration at all the pressure.(笑)

Sometimes, I wonder what I really want in my life...

I'm very certain that I love the work involved in the major I studied, especially after my experience as an intern in an advertising company. I was quite happy about what I did and I honestly want to pursue a creative path...

But I think that Advertising might have been an excuse for me, to continue doing the things I love, like drawing. Sometimes I wonder if my path really lies in the Advertising world. I do love it, no matter how high-pressure it always seemed to be...

But after talking with my relatives, and after they pointed out how heavy the Japanese influence was on my resume, I started to wonder what was more important to me.

I mentioned the following things on my resume: that I could read, write and speak basic Japanese, that I headed a Japanese appreciation org, and even made a thesis based on Japanese culture in the Philippines. It almost very quickly overshadows the advertising experience, although in a creative aspect, I am very much inspired by Japanese art and culture.

I love the idea of a creative path, and I think I also mentioned somewhere that there were so many things I wanted to accomplish. But is it the idea of the creative path, or the creative path itself, that I want?

I'm just so drawn to Japanese culture as well that I also feel that I'm using advertising only as a means to pursue my dream of furthering Japanese culture studies. I mean, if your dreams need so much to fuel them, why not take a path to get that fuel, even if it's slightly off the dream path?

I'm really confused. (笑)

I feel bad for not seeing the road that leads to my goal, or the goal my road leads to.

One of my relatives suggested that since I was that involved in Japanese, I should try volunteering or looking for employment at a Japanese organization if I could find one. I could also work as a website maintainer, somehow.

On that whim, I looked up the Japan Society in New York, and while I didn't find any employment opportunities, I did find some nice internships. I was particularly interested in an internship on Performing Arts. There are so many events in the Japan Society that I wish I could go to, and programs I wish I could take, but I guess it will have to wait until they start employing again.

On another hunch, I looked up Japan organizations in my area, and I found the Japanese-American Society of New Jersey. Lo and behold, there were job opportunities, maybe even something I'm qualified for.

I got excited by the idea, surprisingly, a lot more excited than I ever was for the other interview that I may or may not have. My mother says I should try calling them to ask about the job openings.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm this excited for it...I hope I'm doing the right thing.

I'll give them a call this Monday.(笑)

Please wish me luck!