I'm finally home~

And I was just given a most expensive gift @_@

This little crystal Buddha is a Baccarat. It's a crystal glassware imported from Baccarat, France; it's known for its quality and its...well, price. According to the little pamphlet it came with, "Baccarat is a master of light, creates objects that infuse the everyday with a scintillating atmosphere of enchantment", and "light becomes substance in its purest form". So yes, I take that to mean that they're good at what they do, have been at it for generations, and that this crystal is major quality. (>_<)

I was given one by a family friend, telling me that she had heard that Buddhas should be given, not just bought, and that it was for good luck.

Of course, I appreciated the gesture, but I was really amazed. For those who have read the book Ella Enchanted (I stress: the book, not the movie), it was like receiving an Agulen work. Agulen is said to be the master of pottery among the elves, and his work is most coveted. So when Ella is simply given an Agulen work just by admiring it and appreciating it from the bottom of her heart, she is overwhelmed. I think it was that same feeling, the feeling that you can't accept such a valuable gift, but your hands close around the gift anyway.

Then after realizing what it is, it becomes that moment in The Princess Diaries where Mia is given the locket with the Genovian crest, along with a jewelry box that belonged to her grandmother's great-grandmother. That part where she's all, "I will keep this safe. I will take good care of it." And proceeds to stuff the jewelry box in her bag, with all the clanking and shaking and basically, mishandling. (@_@)

Of COURSE I knew better than to just stuff the Baccarat box in my bag, I fixed my stuff around it and everything. But still. An overwhelming moment for me, thank you. (@_@)

But yeah. I'm finally home from nearly four days of staying and cleaning out my grandparent's apartment with Aunt#1, so admittedly, I'm a little tired. But I have to do a little cleaning of my own, in my bedroom. My mom and Aunt#3 did some work in my closet, and now I'm clearing away most of the things. Also, I do need to make space for some stuff on my desk.

Also, the highlight of today: I FINALLY KNOW WHERE NINTENDO WORLD IS. YAAAY~

At the end of it all, I'm still alive, and that's what matters~

Things are changing--

And sometimes it really bothers me.

Again, I don't blog about heavy things very often, but this needs to be let out, too.

I moved to New Jersey with a lot of aggression, a lot of sadness, and eventually, a lot of mixed emotions.

I always thought that I was the only one who was particularly problematic about my family. I've always had a rocky relationship with my mom. The fact that I was going to be surrounded by nothing but family for a long period of time, without my usual circle of friends, was a really big issue for me. Having a support circle outside my family really helped me, and the fact that none of them are within physical reach made me feel really bad.

Still though, some things bother me.

Right now, I'm staying at my grandparents' apartment. One of my aunts is staying over with me, and our job is basically to de-clutter and clean out the apartment. This belonged to my other aunt before she passed away, and it's about time that most of us moved on and started cleaning it out, making it a decent place to stay in.

But, more than anything, I'm seeing the greater conflict among the other members of my family.

1) Between my mom and her eldest sister.
Let's call her Aunt#1. She's the one staying over with me now. They tend to fight a lot now over so many little things, something that didn't really happen much back when we were staying in the Philippines.

2) Between Aunt #1 and my Grandmother.
Since Aunt#1 is finally handling my grandmother's finances, they tend to butt heads a lot, and there have been many angry phone conversations, and more often than not they hang up on each other rather rudely.

3) Between my mom's youngest sister (let's call her Aunt #3) and both my Grandparents.
As it is, my grandfather suffered a stroke around Dec 2009-Jan 2010, and he really hasn't been the same since. My grandmother has helped take care of him, but it's complicated. Aunt#3 has had to take on the role as a main breadwinner, and basically the boss of all of us. (by the way, my mom, Aunt#1, and I stay at Aunt#3's house.) Anyway, she argues a lot with my grandparents regarding the state of their apartment, which used to belong to Aunt #2. (my aunt who passed away will be regarded as Aunt #2. She is still significant in many ways.)

4) Finally, between my grandmother and grandfather.
Because of my grandfather's stroke, he needed a very drastic and very necessary change of lifestyle and diet. It's more difficult for him to walk and communicate, and what makes it even worse is that he is suffering from Alzheimer's, and diabetes, to boot. In addition, he seems to be going through what seems to be like a second childhood. He has become more of a hassle to deal with since he doesn't want to follow his diet, and just wants to go through life the way he always has. But he can't. It's impossible now. And he's being incredibly difficult, making it difficult for my grandmother to take care of him, and making it just as difficult for Aunt #3 to handle everything else. In a nutshell--he's uncooperative. And it's a big shame considering how much he'd achieved and how sharp he was before the stroke. Now he's almost gaga. Which is scary.

I am going through all this and I am just so overwhelmed by how badly my family ties are getting, how great the complications are, and just how much more intense things are getting here. I never expected a sweet and perfect family life, but I never expected the ties between my family members to grow this bad, either.

I hope I don't get caught in the middle, and I really hope I get through this.

I've been busy~

And I've come to realize a lot of things during the past couple of days (>_<)

Also I'm sick again (笑)

I spent quite a lot of time with the members of my family...

I'm a little shocked at myself too (笑)

Grocery shopping and preparations for Mother's day...then the celebration itself...

Amongst relatives, so many things just come to light, even if you sometimes feel that they can be a little bothersome by asking you so many things (笑)

But it was in the asking questions that I got my answers, no?

There are so many things I want to accomplish...

And sometimes I think I forget how much hard work needs to be put into them, or even the requirements for them...(^^;)

It's a little sad isn't it?

This is the first time I feel that I have been thrust forcibly into the world.

And I now realize how difficult it will be from now on (^^;)

I want to learn what it means to work hard, too.

Hopefully by setting more distinct goals for myself, I can finally start moving.

I won't give up hope!

I will pave my path, my life, and a way back to where I feel I belong.

I love you all (^^)

Adventure in Manhattan!

I'm surprised at my own daring!
Today, my mom and aunt were working at East 61st street in Manhattan, New York. They let me tag along, and told me that if I wanted to, I could go explore the city while they were working. So, I took the opportunity to have an adventure!

They probably expected me to look around Bloomingdale's or something. (笑)

I'd done a search on Google Maps of the area, and the thing was, I was looking for a new age or occult store, because I had been unable to buy a set of tarot cards for myself before. The nearest store, Enchantments, was on East 9th street, which is actually 2.6 miles from East 61st. I would need to walk down 1st Avenue, which was around the corner from my mom and aunt's working place. Still though, I had enough confidence in myself, so I prepared myself for the walk.

I was actually really shocked by the distance. I walked past so many things--by the time I'd hit East 46th street, I'd passed the UN Headquarters! I slowed down when walking past the Philippine flag...It really reminded me of home.

While I was doing that though, I noticed how empty the streets were and the number of NYPD officers out on the road. Then motorcycle officers passed, along with several black cars, and later, a limousine with the American flag on the hood.
I realized that all the security was because of President Obama! (笑) He was scheduled for a speech at Ground Zero that afternoon. I was amused that I was able to see his car pass by.

I walked on, and the rest of the walk was pretty uneventful until I reached 9th street. I found the store, but was dismayed since it would open at 1pm, and I had arrived at 12 noon. Still, I was there, so I waited. I hung around a nearby herb and root shop called Flower Power, which sold such a wide variety of herbs, spices and oils that I was fascinated. It reminded me a bit of an apothecary, or a potion ingredient shop. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if it catered to that, too. (笑)

Eventually though, I came back out to wait outside Enchantments, until a blonde girl came up to open the shop for me and another waiting customer, who said he was a beginner at magic. Of course, I immediately went to look at Tarot cards, and I was happy that the people who ran the shop were friendly and helpful. I suppose it really did come with the territory. They seemed very down to earth despite what they practiced, and I appreciated that very much.

I bought my own deck of tarot cards (at last). I decided to buy a smaller, pocket-sized deck, since my hands are pretty small. (笑) The shop also carried herbs and roots, like Flower Power, but I appreciated the staff here--back in Flower Power, the people there seemed rather stiff and unfriendly. Here in Enchantments, they were very accommodating and I didn't feel shy about asking things.

I took one of their cards for future reference. Perhaps I'll use a money order service to get another item from them someday! I hope to visit this shop again.

Still though, I had to make it back to East 61st, and there was little time. I had promised to be back by 2pm, and since I has waited and spent some time there, I needed a faster way to go back, and a taxicab was not an option. The blonde who had opened the shop for us told me about a bus that ran down 1st Avenue, and, since I didn't have a Metrocard, even offered to change my bills for quarters, so I would have fare for the bus.
But before I could hand over my money, the other customer who was waiting with me offered to give me his Metrocard. He said there were still a few dollars in it, and he was willing to give it to me. I was overwhelmed, of course, and was a little shy about accepting it, but he told me to take it anyway. After all, he said, it was good karma.
I thanked them profusely, left a a dollar in the shop's tip jar, and later took the bus back to East 61st. While I sat there in the bus, I reflected on how eventful my day in Manhattan had been, and just how accomplished I felt, even if all I had done was wander about on my own. My mom was impressed at how far I walked and how I had made it back without getting lost.

Overall, this day has been good. It's just one of those days that really make me believe that not all is lost in the world. Whenever I go out on my own, even when I am nervous, or even if it's my first time to be somewhere, I always feel like I am surrounded by angels who guide me. It's an oddly comforting feeling. It's a belief I've always held that even people who cross the street with you, so that you can cross with them safely, are like angels. People who help you when you are in trouble, too. People who pick up that thing you dropped. Really. I feel very blessed. It's these little things, every day.

I hope to have more days like these.

Alive again~

I arrived in New Jersey on the same day Osama Bin Laden died. I find it very ironic. (笑)

Some of my friends joked that I was to be his replacement. (笑)

Since I'm pretty much over my jet lag, I'm adjusting a little to life here.

There were many things I experienced on my way here. It took several connecting flights for me to reach home: one from Manila to Tokyo, a second from Tokyo to Seattle, and a final one form Seattle to New Jersey.Here are several highlights of my trip:
-I actually met the first dean of my university's school of management and his wife. They were wonderful people. His wife treated me like her own granddaughter. I felt very touched. They treated me to Mcdonald's while we were in Narita airport in Japan.

-Speaking of Japan, I have finally been there! To the airport at least. I pretty much bought random things in the airport shops, and got a free taste of mochi~ ♪
I was very excited about it--Japan is really, really beautiful, when you view it from the airplane window. The trees, fields, and buildings that you can see...they just look amazing, almost unreal. I couldn't stop staring out the window when we landed in Japan, and when we took off from it.

-Japanese toilets are also very interesting. So many buttons! (@_@)

-While I was in the airport, the dean's wife asked me to draw this bearded man in a turban sitting several rows away from us. This was the first time I'd ever been requested to do such a thing, and with realism in mind.

-Shifting across timezones is very freaky. If I think about it, I'd been traveling for more than 20 hours, I think, and yet I landed in New Jersey on the same day! (Which makes sense if you remember than there are 24 hours in a day, but still, it's a little freaky.)(笑)

-Static can be a little alarming.(>_<) I experienced it with my hair and clothes, which caused my hair to go haywire on the plane. Also, whenever I touched certain things, i would feel electrocuted. Static electricity is (for lack of a better word) shocking!

-I lost my chocolate cake dessert somewhere on the floor due to my own clumsiness. I felt very very depressed afterwards since I was really looking forward to a sweet. (>_<)

-Also, for the first time, I felt displeased with service on the airplane, because I was not given my pre-arrival snack. Again, I felt a little depressed as my seatmate ate his snack, while I had none. I had to press the button for service, and it took more than twenty minutes for them to notice and respond. (>_<) I got my snack in the end though. (笑)

Ah, I haven't adjusted the time zone here yet. To be honest, I'm reluctant to change time zone settings on my laptop. I like to be reminded what date and time it is at home. No matter, I'll figure it out eventually.

For now, I will rest again. I have so many things to adjust to!