I feel like I just died.

And came back to life again.

There hasn't been much going on in my life lately, and I remember having all these plans and dreams along the way, and somehow, I got sidetracked.

I'm back at the point where I still don't know exactly what I want.

But somehow, all it took was listening to my idol again.

I don't know how it happens, and I'm probably just overthinking things, as I always do. (笑)

Nakagauchi Masataka, you have a tendency to bring me back to life when I am dead. This wish of meeting you is still a faraway dream, but I honestly hope to get there. I want to see your intensity and love for life in person.


I don't know if Masa himself wrote this on the sidewalk of New York, even though I know he was there years ago. It's gone now. But I want this to stay here, so that I don't forget him. He is still that one major influence in my life. I'm glad I discovered him.



I want life to be beautiful again.

Birthday~

Haha, my birthday (January 27th) was kind of uneventful, since I had work that day...but I got a lot of love and greetings nonetheless (^^)

My family surprised me with an amazing dinner of seafood pasta, and a nice cake!



I was pretty happy with how the celebration went but it kind of reminded me that I was a year older (obviously) and I'm still not close at all to accomplishing the goals I'd listed down last year (>_<)

I'm happy though for several things; one is that my family does love me, even though I often feel irritated with them and the rest of the world. Still though, I'm starting to realize that seriously, I have a long way to go regarding my goals and dreams (no matter how ridiculous they are) and even though I should be happy that I have a job, I really have to take a lot of things more seriously. Some people at work are saddled down with more things to do than me, and it makes me feel bad that I'm complaining about how my life is going and that I apparently have too little time to myself.

And I ask myself over and over again: "What am I doing with my life?"

The answer may as well be: "Nothing."

I need to bring myself out of being lazy and just do what it is I want to accomplish.

I have to work on the mini-projects that I promised myself I would work on, and I will finish them.

Let's see what I can do.

So, for now, I've been thinking about doing some character illustrations on book characters. There are certain books I read that always inspire me, and the Howl's Moving Castle series by Dianna Wynne Jones is one of them. Another is Ella Enchanted, so I'll be trying my hand at making illustrations of those. I've already started on Howl's Moving Castle, so I hope to have something to present by next week. I'm doing a bit of research on fashion and clothing in that era so hopefully something does strike me.

Oh, and I guess I'm missmysty's official fanfic illustrator for her Sekaiichi Hatsukoi fanfics now that we've done one project together. I illustrated her fanfiction "Morning Sun", a Sekaiichi Hatsukoi AU fic. I'm thankful to her since she got me started on this road (even if it was a very rocky process, hah), and I hope to continue.

She's starting a new AU fanfic for Sekaiichi Hatsukoi called "Idol", which I also hope to illustrate as it goes along.

I hope for the best!

頑張ります!

Happy New Year!

I really haven't updated in a long time. I've been so busy! (笑)

Or maybe a little too lazy? (>_<)

A new year has begun and I feel like I haven't accomplished enough in the past few months!

I'm very glad though, that I haven't been completely idle. I'm grateful for the chance to work and earn money, because a lot of people are really struggling.

I must admit, though, that I do want a steadier job, even though I know that being a cashier has improved my disposition and attitude towards working. I'm glad to know from others that I've made their days brighter, and that I make people happy. The work environment also appeals so much to me that I wish I could be here for much, much longer. But I know it probably won't be permanent, and I'll have to shift somewhere else after a while. I don't want to depend on retail jobs so much anymore, as it drains a lot from the soul. Plus, as a cashier, I'm so restricted to the cash register and don't get to help people with books or merchandise as much as I'd like to.

Also, since I started work, I feel like I really haven't had enough time to do the things I wanted to accomplish. Whenever I come home from the city, it ends up being quite late. Also, I have to accompany my mom to fetch my aunt almost every night, and the back-and-forth trip takes about an hour, so that's an hour of my time taken away almost every night. In addition, it drains me of a lot of energy especially since my aunt works so late. (>_<);; I know it's not her fault and I shouldn't really blame anyone for my lack of time, but seriously, I cannot help but feel as though my own family is draining me of every spare moment I desire to use for my own little projects and needs.

It doesn't help that every time I get a day off, that day gets filled with chores that they decide to bombard on me. So it's draining in every possible sense: physically, mentally, even emotionally, I guess.

I'm sorry to sound so whiny on my first post of the year, but I guess I haven't had much time to think about this, either.

I've been feeling a lot more headaches and pains lately, even double vision. and I'm starting to be afraid that I'm also sacrificing my health for all this. I've always believed in balancing things out and I've always been confident that I've handled stress well in the past. Now, I'm not so sure (T.T);

I can feel my head swimming, even now. (>_<)

I guess this means it's time for some New Year's Resolutions? (笑)

1.) I will eat properly.
By this I mean I will also cut costs and start eating more food at home than out in the city. And by eating food at home I don't mean making instant noodles. (笑) I've said I wanted to lower my sweet intake, and honestly, this is one of the most difficult things I've had to promise myself. I need to control myself more, considering how quickly I manage to consume a box of cookies. (笑)

2.) I will have some form of good exercise every day, even if it's just a few push-ups, some ballet exercises, or even jumping jacks.
Ideally, I would have music to dance to every morning. That would be a good way to start the day.

3.) Read more books.
And by this I mean actual books, like classics, bestsellers, et cetera. I bought an e-reader expressly for this purpose, and I think I've been getting some good use out of it (^^)

4.) Write and draw more.
At least once a week I should have a few drawings completed, and some more ideas jotted down for the stories in my head. I have three different genres to write for, and I know my manga has not been properly drawn or planned out! I have to accomplish something this year! Ideally, I should have a chapter of the manga out every month. I'll see how far I can go~

5.) Following that, I will need to study my Japanese in earnest.
I have everything at my fingertips and I should not hesitate to use them.

6.)All in all...I need to take care of myself.
Because looking back, I have been very lucky in life, even if I'm not exactly where I want to be. And even though I'm not, I have the ability to get to where I want to be, if I only pick myself up and go towards it.

So I will.

I think, in the middle of everything, I've forgotten what it means to be strong. And forgotten the source of my strength.

So I'm going back.

Music, words, prayers.

I need to bring it all back.

To anyone who still passes through and reads, and checks this blog, thank you and I love you.

明けましておめでとうございます！今年もよろしくおねがいします！
皆さん、一緒に頑張りましょう!

[Happy New Year! Please be kind to me this year as well. Everyone, let's work hard together!]

お久しぶり!

It's been a very long time (笑)

I've been busy! My job as a Halloween store sales associate is over, so I went around looking for a job around last week.

I'm extremely happy that I got employed again, this time at a bookstore! (笑) I think I'm only going to be hired for the holiday season, but I think they have a tendency to permanently keep their holiday temps, so I hope I do well (^^)

Today was actually my first day as a cashier there, and the process is very different, but I'm slowly getting used to it. I really want to stay for a long while, so I hope for the best.

Oh, and before I forget, here are some photos from our apple picking several weeks ago!


Here are all the apples we picked (笑)


And me with a pumpkin! Since it was that close to Halloween, there were so many pumpkins. And this one was heavy!

And speaking of Halloween, this was my Halloween costume on my last day of work (笑)


In other news, I have become an almost-regular customer at Kinokuniya! I have so many cute things now thanks to them, but I have to curb my spending now. I need to control my spending! But I'll show you guys what I got sometime, okay? (笑)

I've also been more active on Livejournal again lately; I've kind of turned it into my fangirling journal. I'm probably gonna pop a new little icon for the sidebar soon.(笑)

I've recently become a huge fan of the BL anime/manga Sekaiichi Hatsukoi, and clearly, it has impacted my life that heavily. (笑) For those of you who enjoy reading/watching BL, and enjoyed Shungiku Nakamura's Junjou Romantica, I encourage you to take a look at her spin-off, Sekaiichi Hatsukoi! Granted, there are no official licensed translations as of now, but there are scanlation groups working on it for now. I enjoyed this series a lot more than I did Junjou Romantica, and

I hope to update some more soon! I missed blogging, and I hope I have more things to post!

頑張ります!

I AM NO LONGER UNEMPLOYED!

I just got hired as a temp sales associate for the Halloween season!

I have a job!

Yes, it's only temporary, but it is still a good opportunity! Doing well also means you can get hired permanently.

Obviously my skills in horrifying people was useful in getting this job. (笑)

I also have an interview for anoter job tomorrow!

Wish me luck! (笑)

頑張ります!

Sorry!

It's been a while (^^;)

I'm staying over at my grandparents' place for about a week~
So, I won't be online for a while.

I'll try to blog when I can though!

I just decided to take a few moments to think about a few things.
Since there's limited internet, it's possible to have time to work on some things if I can. I brought paper and my pencils for the manga I'm working on.

Dear self,
Please fix your sleeping schedule and try to sleep at a reasonable hour. (>_<)
You will have more time to work on manga and stories if you do.
Also, please focus. This is not the first time you have spaced out without thought or registering things in front of you.

Try harder to find a job, self. It's harder to make dreams come true when you have no money. Just throw yourself into this.

Work harder.
Dream higher.
Focus!
And make sure you have your road.

Love,
me. (笑)

I'm not sure about myself these days.
I've been unable to focus again and it's a little frustrating.
Time to start again?

頑張ります!(笑)

Happy 26th Birthday, Masa!

Happy 26th birthday, Nakagauchi Masataka.

The year went by so quickly!

I’m wishing you all the best, and even more!

Keep dancing, singing, and doing what you love.

Your smile shines bright when everything feels dark, and your songs have always hoisted me back on my feet.

I’m sure they touch many people’s hearts too.

Your dream of being famous all over the world will become reality!

君は僕の太陽　今もずっと変わらない。

You are and will always be my sun.

And you will forever be my hero, and my idol.

I can only hope I will be as successful as you are, someday, whatever I become.

I love you!!!

Atlantic City and Manhattan!

It was a pretty hectic two days for me (笑)

I honestly don't have too many photos from Atlantic City, but it was an enjoyable trip all the same~
It was a very long drive from home to there though!
It took us around three to four hours just to get there, so by the time we arrived, we were so hungry!(笑) We stuffed ourselves with food at a buffet. (^^)
We were also given some coupons worth ten dollars that we could use in the different slot machines.We didn't really win anything though. (笑) Oh well, it wasn't so bad~ I'm not a very big fan of gambling, really.

I was supposed to blog about it yesterday, but because we finished so late, and got home so late, we didn't have the energy left to do anything except go to bed. (笑)

Then, the very next day, we woke up to hit Manhattan~

We intended to go and see the Statue of Liberty, but, again, since we started so late, we ended up eating at Yoshinoya and just going around the city for interesting places to take photos at. Of course, I had to take some shots in the busy, busy Times Square. (^^)

We drove around and around the city, but I think most of our time was wasted on looking for a free parking space near any interesting area.(笑) We went to the Lincoln Center for the Performing Arts~

I really like their steps, it flashes "Welcome" in several different languages, including Tagalog (which is not in the photo, haha), as well as the different theaters, organizations and schools associated with it. I wonder if I'll ever make it here someday?(笑)

I would be more excited for ballet seasons if I could afford to watch them (笑) But really, I think it's great. Someday, someday!


I was actually quite excited to pose underneath this sign, but, because we thought we didn't fit the whole sign into the photo, I kind of got embarrassed and flailed around. (^^;) My dignity, lost forever! (笑) I am no longer the ballerina I used to be.

I'm still not sure how I will manage to continue living here in the United States, far from everything and everyone I love, but maybe my perspective will change after I have landed a job and started accomplishing the things I want to...well, accomplish. (笑)
Until then!

頑張ります!

Finally!

Thanks to help from my bff-waifu Kimm, I managed to understand and edit the HTML for this blog, and now I've given it an overhaul!

What do you guys think? (笑)

I'll probably add more things to the site as time goes by. (^^) It was difficult, staring at the HTML and cleaning up some of it, searching for other templates and doing research, just to get this result. Thankfully, in the end, it was actually a simple enough process. (笑) I'll be able to handle it better next time~

I know that it's been a very long time since I made a proper blog post, and I owe everyone some photos. (笑) Not to worry! I'll make sure to write more!(I hope.)

So far I think I'm surviving, and I'm also a little pleased that my deviantART account is starting to live again. I've been working on my drawing and coloring lately, and I hope to get better.

I feel like I always say that, but never really finish?

Easier said than done, I guess. (笑)

I might be spreading myself a little too thin over the things I want to do, but I think eventually things will even out, and I'll know what I can accomplish.

I'll do what I can!

Oh, and, I made a very emotional post on Tumblr yesterday, regarding the Harry Potter series.

I don't think I want to post it here again. (笑) I don't want to cry!

But yes, Harry Potter has been my childhood...I learned a lot from it, and it has made an impact on my speech and writing...it encouraged me to read...I feel very sad that we've come to the end of an era.

I'll be watching the final movie, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2, tomorrow in New York.

I think I should bring either a handkerchief, or a box of tissues. (笑)

I've been busy~

And I've come to realize a lot of things during the past couple of days (>_<)

Also I'm sick again (笑)

I spent quite a lot of time with the members of my family...

I'm a little shocked at myself too (笑)

Grocery shopping and preparations for Mother's day...then the celebration itself...

Amongst relatives, so many things just come to light, even if you sometimes feel that they can be a little bothersome by asking you so many things (笑)

But it was in the asking questions that I got my answers, no?

There are so many things I want to accomplish...

And sometimes I think I forget how much hard work needs to be put into them, or even the requirements for them...(^^;)

It's a little sad isn't it?

This is the first time I feel that I have been thrust forcibly into the world.

And I now realize how difficult it will be from now on (^^;)

I want to learn what it means to work hard, too.

Hopefully by setting more distinct goals for myself, I can finally start moving.

I won't give up hope!

I will pave my path, my life, and a way back to where I feel I belong.

I love you all (^^)

Alive again~

I arrived in New Jersey on the same day Osama Bin Laden died. I find it very ironic. (笑)

Some of my friends joked that I was to be his replacement. (笑)

Since I'm pretty much over my jet lag, I'm adjusting a little to life here.

There were many things I experienced on my way here. It took several connecting flights for me to reach home: one from Manila to Tokyo, a second from Tokyo to Seattle, and a final one form Seattle to New Jersey.Here are several highlights of my trip:
-I actually met the first dean of my university's school of management and his wife. They were wonderful people. His wife treated me like her own granddaughter. I felt very touched. They treated me to Mcdonald's while we were in Narita airport in Japan.

-Speaking of Japan, I have finally been there! To the airport at least. I pretty much bought random things in the airport shops, and got a free taste of mochi~ ♪
I was very excited about it--Japan is really, really beautiful, when you view it from the airplane window. The trees, fields, and buildings that you can see...they just look amazing, almost unreal. I couldn't stop staring out the window when we landed in Japan, and when we took off from it.

-Japanese toilets are also very interesting. So many buttons! (@_@)

-While I was in the airport, the dean's wife asked me to draw this bearded man in a turban sitting several rows away from us. This was the first time I'd ever been requested to do such a thing, and with realism in mind.

-Shifting across timezones is very freaky. If I think about it, I'd been traveling for more than 20 hours, I think, and yet I landed in New Jersey on the same day! (Which makes sense if you remember than there are 24 hours in a day, but still, it's a little freaky.)(笑)

-Static can be a little alarming.(>_<) I experienced it with my hair and clothes, which caused my hair to go haywire on the plane. Also, whenever I touched certain things, i would feel electrocuted. Static electricity is (for lack of a better word) shocking!

-I lost my chocolate cake dessert somewhere on the floor due to my own clumsiness. I felt very very depressed afterwards since I was really looking forward to a sweet. (>_<)

-Also, for the first time, I felt displeased with service on the airplane, because I was not given my pre-arrival snack. Again, I felt a little depressed as my seatmate ate his snack, while I had none. I had to press the button for service, and it took more than twenty minutes for them to notice and respond. (>_<) I got my snack in the end though. (笑)

Ah, I haven't adjusted the time zone here yet. To be honest, I'm reluctant to change time zone settings on my laptop. I like to be reminded what date and time it is at home. No matter, I'll figure it out eventually.

For now, I will rest again. I have so many things to adjust to!

UP Diliman!

Last week, one of my uncles took me out to UP Diliman, to talk about things, walk around, and take photographs.
It was actually a pretty fun day, and I'd never been able to walk around UP like this before, so it was really an experience.



We had dinner at Tomatokick afterwards. Up there is their stuffed tomatoes. You can't tell from the photo, but I think we ordered a little too much food. We were very full by the end and almost couldn't finish our orders. (笑)

I hope to go out with my uncle again soon, this was a very fun time.

some old photos!

This was taken during "One Big Lay", a mini-event at the university when we were all invited to lie down on the school field and reminisce about the four years we've spent as college students. I swear, we had a pretty nice time. Ran into random friends on the field, and we even saw a floating lantern, like in Tangled! There should have been more lanterns. ♪


These, on the other hand, were some posters I made as props for this seminar:

It was basically a seminar on the promotion of Children's Rights through media, and it was actually quite informative and rather inspiring. I wish I'd been able to help some of the students out with their dance though--it looked as though they really could have used it. Oh well. (笑)

The past few days have actually been telling and convincing me to stay here where I love the things I do and experience. I'm not afraid to be on my own, but of course, family is important too. I wish there was a way to reconcile everything...

I need a job! (笑)

Though, my jewelry designs have been a little popular among people lately ♪

Plus, I have this new jewelry book. Maybe I should really open a shop? (笑)

Wish me luck!

Sorry for the lack of posts!

As it is, I can't seem to find my card reader for my phone's memory card.

I have a lot of things to share!!

But until I can find my card reader, the photos will have to wait. (笑)

For now, enjoy this cover of 1/3 no Junjou na Kanjou by FLOW! One of my favorite bands covering one of my favorite songs~ ♪ So happy~ (笑)




Had some drinks last night so a little crazy (笑) Also played Rockband yesterday! ♪

Will post pictures soon! Going out with friends today. (笑)

----------
Also heard about the tsunami that plagued Japan just yesterday. I sincerely hope that everything will turn out all right despite all the damage it caused. (>_<) Of all the places to get hit...
Hopefully all the people we love and admire are all right....

Sunday~

Went to school in the morning to study for an exam that afternoon. The library was closed, but I studied by the fountain instead.

So peaceful~ and the still waters reflected the trees so clearly ♪

Tomorrow will most likely be a day of chaos, so this one day of peace is very good ♪

お久しぶり～

ブログに書きなくてごめん！
先月はめちゃ忙しいんだ（＾＾；）

そして、今週にたくさんの試験があるんだ～
もう疲れた～

これは私のスケジュール。ああああああああー


There are no words in Japanese that allow me to express how dead I am. (笑)
SO THERE.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Best wishes for the rest of this year and the next~!

Off to the wilderness!

Tomorrow, I go to Mexico, Pampanga, for my immersion!

I hope things go well. I will be gone from December 17-19~

I suppose I could consider this a kind of wilderness sabbatical? (笑)

I'm packing my clothes in a panic now. (笑)

Overall, I have a good feeling about this trip~♪

Hopefully I discover many things.

頑張ります～！

THE NUTCRACKER!

Oh, ballet~! How I missed you~ ♪


I can't believe I was able to catch The Nutcracker last night! (笑)
The performance was amazing, to say the least. I'm really glad that Ochibi and Kin-chan invited me to watch, as I had nothing better to do anyway, and this felt like the chance of a lifetime. And I was glad, too. (^^)

Some random moments after the performance:


Me trying to pose against a backdrop of Lisa Macuja. I never made it to toe shoes back when I was still taking ballet, so this pose was difficult to hold, and had to be repeated several times. (笑) My ankles will never be the same way again. (^^;)


Kin-chan, Ochibi and me against one of the curtains of the ALIW Theater during one of the intermissions. Now that they had seen part of the ballet for themselves, my old ballet training was so much more evident, according to them. I kept getting teased all night.(笑)


After the performance, we went to CCP in order to buy Fanta from the gift shop. I had told Ochibi about it some time back and now that we had the opportunity, we got her the Fanta she always wanted. I ordered a Dr. Pepper, and regretted it: it really tasted like medicine! I will never drink it again. (>_<);;


One of the best moments of the evening: Kontra-Gapi's performance at the CCP Night Market! As it turns out, every first Saturday of the month, CCP holds a Night Market. Sometimes there are guests invited to perform, and we saw Kontra-Gapi that night. Kontra-Gapi stands for Kontemporaryong Gamelan Pilipino, and they're an ethic music and dance ensemble from UP Diliman. Their music was wonderful, and it was a good end to a culture-ridden night. (笑)

Although they wanted to pressure me to dance. (笑)

And before I forget:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NIOU MASAHARU!
Your trickster ways will always live on in my heart.

WakuWaku's First Anniversary!

A big thank you to Kuya Joma for inviting us :D

We really enjoyed their tea time, snacks, and fun games.




It was really cool, despite the major pressure put on me (and pressure I put on Kae) to sing at the event. (笑) ごめん、けいーちゃん～

There were major moments of hilarity, like when Kae was thrust into a game of Pinoy Henyo with Miguel Mercado, a very popular cosplayer who had been invited to the event, along with Jin Joson. Our friend Leslie was incredibly starstruck. (笑) She's been a big fan of Jin since forever. She looked ready to pass out. :))

Some priceless moments of lulz during Kae's game of Pinoy Henyo with Miguel:

Miguel: "Does it have to do with Japanese culture?"
Kae: "Yes."
Miguel: "....porn?"
Everyone else: *bursts out laughing*

Miguel: "Does it have anything to do with food?"
Kae: Uhhhm. Pwede. Yes?
Miguel: "....Malaki? Masakit?" (...Big? Painful?)
Everyone else: *starts laughing again*
Kae: *while laughing* No!

When it was all over, we got to keep our teacups from the event. I had made a poster for Kuya Joma, and he asked everyone to sign it before they left. I'm pretty much proud of my handiwork.(笑)

Until the next event, Kuya Joma! Wakuwaku!