Hmm...

I feel bad that I just passed Masa's (August 23)birthday without being able to make something for him.

I hope you had a happy birthday, though. (笑) I'm glad to see he's still moving forward.

Another year has passed since the last time I did this and I feel no closer to my goals.

I should be more serious, I guess.

I guess life has improved a little bit for me in the sense that I've moved to a different department at work that is a little less stressful, even though there is technically more work to be accomplished.

I still want to be able to work as an artist though, so I need to get a portfolio together.

My list of things to accomplish still stands. (>_<)

I feel like I just died.

And came back to life again.

There hasn't been much going on in my life lately, and I remember having all these plans and dreams along the way, and somehow, I got sidetracked.

I'm back at the point where I still don't know exactly what I want.

But somehow, all it took was listening to my idol again.

I don't know how it happens, and I'm probably just overthinking things, as I always do. (笑)

Nakagauchi Masataka, you have a tendency to bring me back to life when I am dead. This wish of meeting you is still a faraway dream, but I honestly hope to get there. I want to see your intensity and love for life in person.


I don't know if Masa himself wrote this on the sidewalk of New York, even though I know he was there years ago. It's gone now. But I want this to stay here, so that I don't forget him. He is still that one major influence in my life. I'm glad I discovered him.



I want life to be beautiful again.

Birthday~

Haha, my birthday (January 27th) was kind of uneventful, since I had work that day...but I got a lot of love and greetings nonetheless (^^)

My family surprised me with an amazing dinner of seafood pasta, and a nice cake!



I was pretty happy with how the celebration went but it kind of reminded me that I was a year older (obviously) and I'm still not close at all to accomplishing the goals I'd listed down last year (>_<)

I'm happy though for several things; one is that my family does love me, even though I often feel irritated with them and the rest of the world. Still though, I'm starting to realize that seriously, I have a long way to go regarding my goals and dreams (no matter how ridiculous they are) and even though I should be happy that I have a job, I really have to take a lot of things more seriously. Some people at work are saddled down with more things to do than me, and it makes me feel bad that I'm complaining about how my life is going and that I apparently have too little time to myself.

And I ask myself over and over again: "What am I doing with my life?"

The answer may as well be: "Nothing."

I need to bring myself out of being lazy and just do what it is I want to accomplish.

I have to work on the mini-projects that I promised myself I would work on, and I will finish them.

Let's see what I can do.

So, for now, I've been thinking about doing some character illustrations on book characters. There are certain books I read that always inspire me, and the Howl's Moving Castle series by Dianna Wynne Jones is one of them. Another is Ella Enchanted, so I'll be trying my hand at making illustrations of those. I've already started on Howl's Moving Castle, so I hope to have something to present by next week. I'm doing a bit of research on fashion and clothing in that era so hopefully something does strike me.

Oh, and I guess I'm missmysty's official fanfic illustrator for her Sekaiichi Hatsukoi fanfics now that we've done one project together. I illustrated her fanfiction "Morning Sun", a Sekaiichi Hatsukoi AU fic. I'm thankful to her since she got me started on this road (even if it was a very rocky process, hah), and I hope to continue.

She's starting a new AU fanfic for Sekaiichi Hatsukoi called "Idol", which I also hope to illustrate as it goes along.

I hope for the best!

頑張ります!

Happy New Year!

I really haven't updated in a long time. I've been so busy! (笑)

Or maybe a little too lazy? (>_<)

A new year has begun and I feel like I haven't accomplished enough in the past few months!

I'm very glad though, that I haven't been completely idle. I'm grateful for the chance to work and earn money, because a lot of people are really struggling.

I must admit, though, that I do want a steadier job, even though I know that being a cashier has improved my disposition and attitude towards working. I'm glad to know from others that I've made their days brighter, and that I make people happy. The work environment also appeals so much to me that I wish I could be here for much, much longer. But I know it probably won't be permanent, and I'll have to shift somewhere else after a while. I don't want to depend on retail jobs so much anymore, as it drains a lot from the soul. Plus, as a cashier, I'm so restricted to the cash register and don't get to help people with books or merchandise as much as I'd like to.

Also, since I started work, I feel like I really haven't had enough time to do the things I wanted to accomplish. Whenever I come home from the city, it ends up being quite late. Also, I have to accompany my mom to fetch my aunt almost every night, and the back-and-forth trip takes about an hour, so that's an hour of my time taken away almost every night. In addition, it drains me of a lot of energy especially since my aunt works so late. (>_<);; I know it's not her fault and I shouldn't really blame anyone for my lack of time, but seriously, I cannot help but feel as though my own family is draining me of every spare moment I desire to use for my own little projects and needs.

It doesn't help that every time I get a day off, that day gets filled with chores that they decide to bombard on me. So it's draining in every possible sense: physically, mentally, even emotionally, I guess.

I'm sorry to sound so whiny on my first post of the year, but I guess I haven't had much time to think about this, either.

I've been feeling a lot more headaches and pains lately, even double vision. and I'm starting to be afraid that I'm also sacrificing my health for all this. I've always believed in balancing things out and I've always been confident that I've handled stress well in the past. Now, I'm not so sure (T.T);

I can feel my head swimming, even now. (>_<)

I guess this means it's time for some New Year's Resolutions? (笑)

1.) I will eat properly.
By this I mean I will also cut costs and start eating more food at home than out in the city. And by eating food at home I don't mean making instant noodles. (笑) I've said I wanted to lower my sweet intake, and honestly, this is one of the most difficult things I've had to promise myself. I need to control myself more, considering how quickly I manage to consume a box of cookies. (笑)

2.) I will have some form of good exercise every day, even if it's just a few push-ups, some ballet exercises, or even jumping jacks.
Ideally, I would have music to dance to every morning. That would be a good way to start the day.

3.) Read more books.
And by this I mean actual books, like classics, bestsellers, et cetera. I bought an e-reader expressly for this purpose, and I think I've been getting some good use out of it (^^)

4.) Write and draw more.
At least once a week I should have a few drawings completed, and some more ideas jotted down for the stories in my head. I have three different genres to write for, and I know my manga has not been properly drawn or planned out! I have to accomplish something this year! Ideally, I should have a chapter of the manga out every month. I'll see how far I can go~

5.) Following that, I will need to study my Japanese in earnest.
I have everything at my fingertips and I should not hesitate to use them.

6.)All in all...I need to take care of myself.
Because looking back, I have been very lucky in life, even if I'm not exactly where I want to be. And even though I'm not, I have the ability to get to where I want to be, if I only pick myself up and go towards it.

So I will.

I think, in the middle of everything, I've forgotten what it means to be strong. And forgotten the source of my strength.

So I'm going back.

Music, words, prayers.

I need to bring it all back.

To anyone who still passes through and reads, and checks this blog, thank you and I love you.

明けましておめでとうございます！今年もよろしくおねがいします！
皆さん、一緒に頑張りましょう!

[Happy New Year! Please be kind to me this year as well. Everyone, let's work hard together!]

Sorry!

It's been a while (^^;)

I'm staying over at my grandparents' place for about a week~
So, I won't be online for a while.

I'll try to blog when I can though!

I just decided to take a few moments to think about a few things.
Since there's limited internet, it's possible to have time to work on some things if I can. I brought paper and my pencils for the manga I'm working on.

Dear self,
Please fix your sleeping schedule and try to sleep at a reasonable hour. (>_<)
You will have more time to work on manga and stories if you do.
Also, please focus. This is not the first time you have spaced out without thought or registering things in front of you.

Try harder to find a job, self. It's harder to make dreams come true when you have no money. Just throw yourself into this.

Work harder.
Dream higher.
Focus!
And make sure you have your road.

Love,
me. (笑)

I'm not sure about myself these days.
I've been unable to focus again and it's a little frustrating.
Time to start again?

頑張ります!(笑)

Lately...

I've been getting a lot of headaches (^^;)

Must be the weather, it's been very hot recently...

I called the Japanese-American Society as I said I would, and thankfully they told me to send over my resume. However, they would be closed on August 1-8, so if I get an interview, it would have to be after that. I hope things go well(>_<)

Somehow, when it comes to organizations or places like this, I feel more confident answering people's questions about it. Maybe because I know it better, or I know what I want? (笑)

I find that I am very happy whenever I am allowed to immerse myself in Japanese culture and art. Of course, I have other things that I like, but somehow, reading about it or seeing pictures makes me feel very happy. I guess I really do like Japan, even if I have never been there.

I think that everybody has their own silly little dream, and for me, I guess it's being a star of some sort, like a performer, that is my silly little dream.

I mean, I blog like a Japanese actor/singer, and even fashion my blog after them. (笑)

Realistically though, I want to be known someday as an artist/designer and blogger. I think that my skills fall under these, and these are skills I can hone, and market to others. It may take some time, and I don't mind that as long as I can chase after my dreams.

I posted before about the things I wanted to do directly after getting a job, and I honestly think I would stick to it. I want to make my life better, but most of all, I want to make myself better.

I saw a quote of Confucius on Twitter earlier: "When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps."

I think this is very relevant to me, since there are so many things I want to accomplish. Many times, I think we are forced to abandon most of our dreams because we think they can't be done, but all we have to do sometimes is rethink the situation and find another way towards that dream.

I think my problem is that while I have a goal, I never clearly set out the steps that I need to take for it. (笑) It's real proof that I need to think more about what my goals need, huh?

I have some of my steps laid out, but I need to get to those stages before I start seeing what needs to be adjusted.

For now, I've been reading a lot of books and sources on art and other subjects, and I hope to emerge a more knowledgeable person. I'm also trying to start a comic or story, so I'm looking forward to the moment I set my first few pages out.

頑張ります!(笑)

Tension.

Right now, I'm basking in the aftermath of a family gathering.

Since some of my relatives heard that I might be called for a job interview soon, they gave me a lot of advice about it. There were a lot of laughs too, considering how much I banged my head on the desk in mock frustration at all the pressure.(笑)

Sometimes, I wonder what I really want in my life...

I'm very certain that I love the work involved in the major I studied, especially after my experience as an intern in an advertising company. I was quite happy about what I did and I honestly want to pursue a creative path...

But I think that Advertising might have been an excuse for me, to continue doing the things I love, like drawing. Sometimes I wonder if my path really lies in the Advertising world. I do love it, no matter how high-pressure it always seemed to be...

But after talking with my relatives, and after they pointed out how heavy the Japanese influence was on my resume, I started to wonder what was more important to me.

I mentioned the following things on my resume: that I could read, write and speak basic Japanese, that I headed a Japanese appreciation org, and even made a thesis based on Japanese culture in the Philippines. It almost very quickly overshadows the advertising experience, although in a creative aspect, I am very much inspired by Japanese art and culture.

I love the idea of a creative path, and I think I also mentioned somewhere that there were so many things I wanted to accomplish. But is it the idea of the creative path, or the creative path itself, that I want?

I'm just so drawn to Japanese culture as well that I also feel that I'm using advertising only as a means to pursue my dream of furthering Japanese culture studies. I mean, if your dreams need so much to fuel them, why not take a path to get that fuel, even if it's slightly off the dream path?

I'm really confused. (笑)

I feel bad for not seeing the road that leads to my goal, or the goal my road leads to.

One of my relatives suggested that since I was that involved in Japanese, I should try volunteering or looking for employment at a Japanese organization if I could find one. I could also work as a website maintainer, somehow.

On that whim, I looked up the Japan Society in New York, and while I didn't find any employment opportunities, I did find some nice internships. I was particularly interested in an internship on Performing Arts. There are so many events in the Japan Society that I wish I could go to, and programs I wish I could take, but I guess it will have to wait until they start employing again.

On another hunch, I looked up Japan organizations in my area, and I found the Japanese-American Society of New Jersey. Lo and behold, there were job opportunities, maybe even something I'm qualified for.

I got excited by the idea, surprisingly, a lot more excited than I ever was for the other interview that I may or may not have. My mother says I should try calling them to ask about the job openings.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm this excited for it...I hope I'm doing the right thing.

I'll give them a call this Monday.(笑)

Please wish me luck!

Finally!

Thanks to help from my bff-waifu Kimm, I managed to understand and edit the HTML for this blog, and now I've given it an overhaul!

What do you guys think? (笑)

I'll probably add more things to the site as time goes by. (^^) It was difficult, staring at the HTML and cleaning up some of it, searching for other templates and doing research, just to get this result. Thankfully, in the end, it was actually a simple enough process. (笑) I'll be able to handle it better next time~

I know that it's been a very long time since I made a proper blog post, and I owe everyone some photos. (笑) Not to worry! I'll make sure to write more!(I hope.)

So far I think I'm surviving, and I'm also a little pleased that my deviantART account is starting to live again. I've been working on my drawing and coloring lately, and I hope to get better.

I feel like I always say that, but never really finish?

Easier said than done, I guess. (笑)

I might be spreading myself a little too thin over the things I want to do, but I think eventually things will even out, and I'll know what I can accomplish.

I'll do what I can!

Oh, and, I made a very emotional post on Tumblr yesterday, regarding the Harry Potter series.

I don't think I want to post it here again. (笑) I don't want to cry!

But yes, Harry Potter has been my childhood...I learned a lot from it, and it has made an impact on my speech and writing...it encouraged me to read...I feel very sad that we've come to the end of an era.

I'll be watching the final movie, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2, tomorrow in New York.

I think I should bring either a handkerchief, or a box of tissues. (笑)

Good news~!

I think I have a job interview tomorrow~ （笑）

I'll be going to New York tomorrow on my own. Some family friends recommended me to a company and they'll be taking me there... (^^;)

I've been very nervous about finding a job since I started living here, since I feel like everything depends on it. There are so many things I want to accomplish in my life, and somehow, having a job makes it feel a lot more possible. (>_<)

All right!

This will be a fresh, fresh start! （笑）

These are the things I want to do:

1) Study graphic and web design. Whether it's by self-study or through lessons or a school, I want to study this and become more proficient. It takes time, so I will have to make time. I've started reading and picking up my pencils again.
I'm also going to start being active on the Toradora! Tumblr that I have, as an exercise in simple things like photo editing/arranging/whatnot. I hope to get better with time.

2) Learn dance. I know it's easy to find dance studios in the area. I will learn and persevere. Hiphop and ballet, anyone? （笑）

3) In case I find it difficult to get into a dance studio, (or in addition to learning dance) I want to study a martial art. Since it promotes discipline and inner strength, and sense of self, I want to pick up one. I saw several karate studios nearby, I think it will be fairly easy to get to one.

4) This is just a side note, but as a fourth thing, I want to pass my driving test on my first try. Because I want to show up my mom who failed the written test three times (although she didn't have to take a practical.)

5) I want a place of my own, and a kitchen of my own. This is self-explanatory. I want my own apaaatoooo.

6) I'm planning to take the Japanese Language Proficiency Test in December, so I'll be self-studying and translating manga and songs as a project within the next, er, 6 months?

I think this is it for now? （笑）
My dreams aren't impossible, are they? （笑）

頑張ります!

It's been a while(^^)

I've been posting so much on Tumblr (笑)
But I can't forget this blog (^^)

So far I've been preoccupied with a lot of things...
Honestly some parts of it make me really unhappy. (>_<)

I'm slowly starting to realize my own flaws, and possible reasons why I'm supposed to be here...I don't really mind so much anymore, although I miss everyone.

Whenever I start thinking things like "I need to change", I'm torn.

Because part of me says, "Why change?" and another continues to argue that "You're doing fine".

But I can't keep floating like this, and I'm very sad to say that maybe I just didn't grow up enough...

I have a very long way to go...and lots more things to work on...

まだまだだね。(笑)

I want to change, even if part of me does not want to.

Because maybe, it's in that change that I will finally find what I need to do...
What I need to accomplish.

I myself need to search for a higher goal, something that will always keep me going...

I think I lost my drive somewhere along the way.

And I need to find it again.

もっと頑張ります。絶対に負けない。

みんな、ありがとう。

Things are changing--

And sometimes it really bothers me.

Again, I don't blog about heavy things very often, but this needs to be let out, too.

I moved to New Jersey with a lot of aggression, a lot of sadness, and eventually, a lot of mixed emotions.

I always thought that I was the only one who was particularly problematic about my family. I've always had a rocky relationship with my mom. The fact that I was going to be surrounded by nothing but family for a long period of time, without my usual circle of friends, was a really big issue for me. Having a support circle outside my family really helped me, and the fact that none of them are within physical reach made me feel really bad.

Still though, some things bother me.

Right now, I'm staying at my grandparents' apartment. One of my aunts is staying over with me, and our job is basically to de-clutter and clean out the apartment. This belonged to my other aunt before she passed away, and it's about time that most of us moved on and started cleaning it out, making it a decent place to stay in.

But, more than anything, I'm seeing the greater conflict among the other members of my family.

1) Between my mom and her eldest sister.
Let's call her Aunt#1. She's the one staying over with me now. They tend to fight a lot now over so many little things, something that didn't really happen much back when we were staying in the Philippines.

2) Between Aunt #1 and my Grandmother.
Since Aunt#1 is finally handling my grandmother's finances, they tend to butt heads a lot, and there have been many angry phone conversations, and more often than not they hang up on each other rather rudely.

3) Between my mom's youngest sister (let's call her Aunt #3) and both my Grandparents.
As it is, my grandfather suffered a stroke around Dec 2009-Jan 2010, and he really hasn't been the same since. My grandmother has helped take care of him, but it's complicated. Aunt#3 has had to take on the role as a main breadwinner, and basically the boss of all of us. (by the way, my mom, Aunt#1, and I stay at Aunt#3's house.) Anyway, she argues a lot with my grandparents regarding the state of their apartment, which used to belong to Aunt #2. (my aunt who passed away will be regarded as Aunt #2. She is still significant in many ways.)

4) Finally, between my grandmother and grandfather.
Because of my grandfather's stroke, he needed a very drastic and very necessary change of lifestyle and diet. It's more difficult for him to walk and communicate, and what makes it even worse is that he is suffering from Alzheimer's, and diabetes, to boot. In addition, he seems to be going through what seems to be like a second childhood. He has become more of a hassle to deal with since he doesn't want to follow his diet, and just wants to go through life the way he always has. But he can't. It's impossible now. And he's being incredibly difficult, making it difficult for my grandmother to take care of him, and making it just as difficult for Aunt #3 to handle everything else. In a nutshell--he's uncooperative. And it's a big shame considering how much he'd achieved and how sharp he was before the stroke. Now he's almost gaga. Which is scary.

I am going through all this and I am just so overwhelmed by how badly my family ties are getting, how great the complications are, and just how much more intense things are getting here. I never expected a sweet and perfect family life, but I never expected the ties between my family members to grow this bad, either.

I hope I don't get caught in the middle, and I really hope I get through this.

I've been busy~

And I've come to realize a lot of things during the past couple of days (>_<)

Also I'm sick again (笑)

I spent quite a lot of time with the members of my family...

I'm a little shocked at myself too (笑)

Grocery shopping and preparations for Mother's day...then the celebration itself...

Amongst relatives, so many things just come to light, even if you sometimes feel that they can be a little bothersome by asking you so many things (笑)

But it was in the asking questions that I got my answers, no?

There are so many things I want to accomplish...

And sometimes I think I forget how much hard work needs to be put into them, or even the requirements for them...(^^;)

It's a little sad isn't it?

This is the first time I feel that I have been thrust forcibly into the world.

And I now realize how difficult it will be from now on (^^;)

I want to learn what it means to work hard, too.

Hopefully by setting more distinct goals for myself, I can finally start moving.

I won't give up hope!

I will pave my path, my life, and a way back to where I feel I belong.

I love you all (^^)

Alive again~

I arrived in New Jersey on the same day Osama Bin Laden died. I find it very ironic. (笑)

Some of my friends joked that I was to be his replacement. (笑)

Since I'm pretty much over my jet lag, I'm adjusting a little to life here.

There were many things I experienced on my way here. It took several connecting flights for me to reach home: one from Manila to Tokyo, a second from Tokyo to Seattle, and a final one form Seattle to New Jersey.Here are several highlights of my trip:
-I actually met the first dean of my university's school of management and his wife. They were wonderful people. His wife treated me like her own granddaughter. I felt very touched. They treated me to Mcdonald's while we were in Narita airport in Japan.

-Speaking of Japan, I have finally been there! To the airport at least. I pretty much bought random things in the airport shops, and got a free taste of mochi~ ♪
I was very excited about it--Japan is really, really beautiful, when you view it from the airplane window. The trees, fields, and buildings that you can see...they just look amazing, almost unreal. I couldn't stop staring out the window when we landed in Japan, and when we took off from it.

-Japanese toilets are also very interesting. So many buttons! (@_@)

-While I was in the airport, the dean's wife asked me to draw this bearded man in a turban sitting several rows away from us. This was the first time I'd ever been requested to do such a thing, and with realism in mind.

-Shifting across timezones is very freaky. If I think about it, I'd been traveling for more than 20 hours, I think, and yet I landed in New Jersey on the same day! (Which makes sense if you remember than there are 24 hours in a day, but still, it's a little freaky.)(笑)

-Static can be a little alarming.(>_<) I experienced it with my hair and clothes, which caused my hair to go haywire on the plane. Also, whenever I touched certain things, i would feel electrocuted. Static electricity is (for lack of a better word) shocking!

-I lost my chocolate cake dessert somewhere on the floor due to my own clumsiness. I felt very very depressed afterwards since I was really looking forward to a sweet. (>_<)

-Also, for the first time, I felt displeased with service on the airplane, because I was not given my pre-arrival snack. Again, I felt a little depressed as my seatmate ate his snack, while I had none. I had to press the button for service, and it took more than twenty minutes for them to notice and respond. (>_<) I got my snack in the end though. (笑)

Ah, I haven't adjusted the time zone here yet. To be honest, I'm reluctant to change time zone settings on my laptop. I like to be reminded what date and time it is at home. No matter, I'll figure it out eventually.

For now, I will rest again. I have so many things to adjust to!

Issues.

I normally don't blog about such heavy things...
The news has been out for a while that I was unable to graduate. Even though I passed all my subjects, my grade point average didn't make it to the mark needed for graduation. As anyone might expect, it caused much uproar among my family, especially since my mother came home from New Jersey just to see me graduate.

I'm upset in my own way...though for me, I've done enough crying and after all the efforts I have made, I think I've done everything I can to fix things...
I appealed for re-admission into the university and well, as it is, I lost the appeal. I will receive a certificate of completion of courses and a transcript, rather than a degree and a diploma. It is still of use to me, and well...

I am, in many ways, ready to push into the next stage of my life. With the kind of attitude I have, I think, I have enough drive to do anything...

But why does my family have to be this difficult?

I am not surprised, and understand that they're hurting, and I am sorry I was a disappointment...but the past two years have been a time of self-discovery...and I've learned so much more about myself than I ever felt I could have...so many things have changed in me...

As it is, I'll be leaving for New Jersey soon enough, because my green card is ready, and I'll have to be a permanent resident...But as most of you might guess, I really don't want to go.

The way I think about it, change comes to me whether I stay here or go there. Either way, I will have to work hard, and I'm open to that...But the only thing discouraging me from going to the US is my family... and my relationship with my family is not exactly the best...

My mother in particular, while doting and loving, can be very controlling, and it can be quite an issue to deal with. I have no friends my age in New Jersey, and will be left quite alone with my family, which makes it several times more controlling...I was actually quit suffocated during my last stay in New Jersey, and I have no doubt that things can get worse...

It's not a very good situation, is it. (笑)

I think I have made clear within myself what I wish to do with my life. I enjoy doing many things, and am open to doing any kind of work...Overall, I strive for freedom.

I am still searching, really. I have mixed feelings about going. Things I can gain, things I will leave behind...For me, the changes amount to almost the same amount, and it all depends where I am happiest, even though suffering through hardship...

For now, I am outlining the things I can do when I go there. It might take a miracle for me to be able to stay here, and I have plenty of things I need to work out. So for now, I will see what I can do. If I can gain more working experience while I'm here, then it will be all the better.

Fight on, Get on, Keep on, Step up...F.G.K.S.

And for some reason, 走り出す時 also made an appearance. I will write messages to myself everyday, if I need to. To remember that I can get through this.

For now, I'll end this with the phrase I will rely on to bring me through everything:
頑張ります！

私♥日本

I actually painted this for fun a couple of weeks ago, but I guess it only became a lot more relevant now.



In the face of all the disasters and things they've been through, they've always survived.

Stay strong, Japan.

試験がある～

心配しています。。。
勉強すればよかったです（；＿；)
日本語が難しい！

For Narniaaaa!

Watched The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader last night!
Do I look like an awesome Captain for the Dawn Treader? (笑)

I really enjoyed the movie.
It helped me consider so many things about myself, particularly conquering my inner dark side. I could relate so well with Lucy and her wanting to be as beautiful as Susan; I get so insecure about these things, too.

It actually made me resolve to be more confident in my own self-worth. It's about time I picked myself up completely, yes? (笑)

Finally in New Jersey!

Timestamp: 3.21AM @ NJ


God, that trip was maddening. (O_O)
Basically, we left the Philippines on Oct 17 at 6am, and the flight took us to Beijing first. From Beijing, we took another plane to New York where we were picked up, and that's the overview of the flight.

I'm not so sure I'm too thrilled about travelling this far. I was happier during the stopover in Beijing. (^_^;)

Here's a basic transcript of my thoughts during the flight.
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Oct.17: 8am Beijing Time

Breakfast was finally served on the plane. I was starving and basically didn't care anymore. Once again, China proves that mushrooms save my life.

Oct 17: 12:30pm Beijing Time

The flight to Beijing took longer than I'd expected. The moment I step off the plane, a blast of cold air hits my face. My first thought: "Where the hell is the aircon?" You can't tell from the picture, but it was that cold. (O_o)

Since I had some excess Chinese currency from my trip several years ago, my mom and I decided to spend it right then and there. Airport shopping!! Managed to get some nice things, actually.

Funny moment at the airport though--I left my jacket in one of the waiting areas! I realized it when we were in line to board the plane. I ran at full speed to get it and skidded like an idiot on the tiled floor.
One of the female maintenance staff saw the whole thing and laughed. It wasn't a mocking laugh, it was actually quite a nice laugh. I'm glad I made her day. I guess she doesn't see things like that often. It was actually the first time I felt good about the trip.

I had some misgivings when I heard some Americans complaining about a lot of things while we were in line, like how when we were called to board, they didn't call us by section. I distinctly heard one of them say, "Well, that's dumb." Hmm. Not a very good impression on me, really.

Though there was a nice story from some woman behind us in line. She was telling her companion about how some stranger was asking around and flashing a passport at them asking if they knew the person on the passport. It was apparently a lost item and the stranger was trying to get it back to the owner. The lady commented how lucky the person who lost the passport was. There were still tickets and other things inside. I would have to agree.

Oct. 17: 2pm Beijing Time

On the plane headed for New York. Lunch was just served and I am so glad I grabbed the seafood option, I don't think I'd felt this satisfied about a food choice in a while. Still have an unpleasant feeling in stomach though, that has nothing to do with food. Hm.
Being in a plane full of Americans is starting to make me feel uncomfortable. People all around keep either socializing (not too bad) or just butting in among others (kind of bad).

Oct 17: 5pm Beijing Time
Karate Kid just finished airing as an in-flight movie. I'm glad they cut out the bad parts though. I wasn't too fond of the movie, but hey, it reminded me of home nonetheless. Was thinking of doing some Tai Chi in the back of the plane but was worried that I would attract too much attention/get picked on by the Chinese on board the flight.

Oct 17: 9pm Beijing Time
Dinner was served. I got too lazy to take a photo, plus I was hungry and I couldn't find my phone. Muh. I had spaghetti then. It was surprisingly good. Or maybe I was just starving like whoah.

I also somehow got roped into a Tai Chi conversation with two foreigners in the back of the plane. I was amused.

Oct 18: 12mn Beijing time
Getting very close now to New York. Only two more hours from this point and then it's all bright and sunny 2pm instead of dark 2am. I'm getting a little more worried , definitely. It struck me again how much I missed everyone.

Also, about 90% of the Caucasians on board the flight were strangely overweight. Erm. Just an observation. A disturbing one.

Oct 17: 3pm NEW YORK TIME.

FINALLY got out of the airport. Getting rushed off into a car to my aunt's house now.


Driving wherever. I have no idea how this will turn out, but I hope it's going to be enjoyable at the very least.
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And there you have it. All my woe and all my nightmares during the flight.

I hope I blog about happier times in New Jersey.
Hope to hear from you all!

My bags are almost packed...

As most of you probably already know, my flight to the US is today, Oct. 17. I haven't been blogging lately due to all the preparations for finals and other problems!

So tiring~ I just came from a Toujin party, and I swam probably for about 5 hours. (^_^;)

It was a day filled with madness. This kind of madness, love and insanity, I would never exchange for anything. 東人! 大好き!本当にありがとう！

In addition, Ochibi came to visit, and we had our last moments of fangirling, and she gave me a gift for me to remember her and Kin-chan by.

There is only one thing I can say--THEY ARE INSANE. And I love them.

No rest for me tonight though. I have to finish packing the things most important to me, and finish certain forms.

To all my loves in the Philippines, I WILL MISS YOU ALL.

Please support me till the very end~

My next post will be made from NEW JERSEY!!! I will make sure to document my stay.

EDIT [10.20.2010/3.06AM @NJ]Last shot with Ochibi:

Bad day (>_<)

Today was the 2nd round for Aka Myaku, our Host Club~

It turned out well enough, and I enjoyed parading around and such...

Although somewhere towards the end I had to be taken in a wheelchair to the infirmary--a serious headache left me pretty much immobile and weak. (>o<)/ I conked out in the infirmary bed for more than an hour, I think.

Then later, went to a tai chi session where I pretty much failed. (笑) It's not too big a deal though--tai chi is very difficult to learn.

But what made my day really horrible was the fact that my group mates in my Philosophy class decided to ax me--they did all the work without giving me a chance to do anything. It was enough to make me feel really frustrated--I wanted to flip tables. (笑)

Nonetheless, I know I will have to pull through this on my own. (>_<) It was just so frustrating; I really couldn't help but give in to a sort of rage that I've never really had before. But at the bottom of that rage was a kind of steadiness I can't explain. Perhaps there's a way out of this?

Tomorrow, I will go to my first ever UAAP game. FEU vs Ateneo, for the first game of the finals. I never thought I would actually see a game live.

I hope things work out, and that tomorrow is another opportunity for me to just be happy.