Hmm...

I feel bad that I just passed Masa's (August 23)birthday without being able to make something for him.

I hope you had a happy birthday, though. (笑) I'm glad to see he's still moving forward.

Another year has passed since the last time I did this and I feel no closer to my goals.

I should be more serious, I guess.

I guess life has improved a little bit for me in the sense that I've moved to a different department at work that is a little less stressful, even though there is technically more work to be accomplished.

I still want to be able to work as an artist though, so I need to get a portfolio together.

My list of things to accomplish still stands. (>_<)

I feel like I just died.

And came back to life again.

There hasn't been much going on in my life lately, and I remember having all these plans and dreams along the way, and somehow, I got sidetracked.

I'm back at the point where I still don't know exactly what I want.

But somehow, all it took was listening to my idol again.

I don't know how it happens, and I'm probably just overthinking things, as I always do. (笑)

Nakagauchi Masataka, you have a tendency to bring me back to life when I am dead. This wish of meeting you is still a faraway dream, but I honestly hope to get there. I want to see your intensity and love for life in person.


I don't know if Masa himself wrote this on the sidewalk of New York, even though I know he was there years ago. It's gone now. But I want this to stay here, so that I don't forget him. He is still that one major influence in my life. I'm glad I discovered him.



I want life to be beautiful again.

Birthday~

Haha, my birthday (January 27th) was kind of uneventful, since I had work that day...but I got a lot of love and greetings nonetheless (^^)

My family surprised me with an amazing dinner of seafood pasta, and a nice cake!



I was pretty happy with how the celebration went but it kind of reminded me that I was a year older (obviously) and I'm still not close at all to accomplishing the goals I'd listed down last year (>_<)

I'm happy though for several things; one is that my family does love me, even though I often feel irritated with them and the rest of the world. Still though, I'm starting to realize that seriously, I have a long way to go regarding my goals and dreams (no matter how ridiculous they are) and even though I should be happy that I have a job, I really have to take a lot of things more seriously. Some people at work are saddled down with more things to do than me, and it makes me feel bad that I'm complaining about how my life is going and that I apparently have too little time to myself.

And I ask myself over and over again: "What am I doing with my life?"

The answer may as well be: "Nothing."

I need to bring myself out of being lazy and just do what it is I want to accomplish.

I have to work on the mini-projects that I promised myself I would work on, and I will finish them.

Let's see what I can do.

So, for now, I've been thinking about doing some character illustrations on book characters. There are certain books I read that always inspire me, and the Howl's Moving Castle series by Dianna Wynne Jones is one of them. Another is Ella Enchanted, so I'll be trying my hand at making illustrations of those. I've already started on Howl's Moving Castle, so I hope to have something to present by next week. I'm doing a bit of research on fashion and clothing in that era so hopefully something does strike me.

Oh, and I guess I'm missmysty's official fanfic illustrator for her Sekaiichi Hatsukoi fanfics now that we've done one project together. I illustrated her fanfiction "Morning Sun", a Sekaiichi Hatsukoi AU fic. I'm thankful to her since she got me started on this road (even if it was a very rocky process, hah), and I hope to continue.

She's starting a new AU fanfic for Sekaiichi Hatsukoi called "Idol", which I also hope to illustrate as it goes along.

I hope for the best!

頑張ります!

Happy New Year!

I really haven't updated in a long time. I've been so busy! (笑)

Or maybe a little too lazy? (>_<)

A new year has begun and I feel like I haven't accomplished enough in the past few months!

I'm very glad though, that I haven't been completely idle. I'm grateful for the chance to work and earn money, because a lot of people are really struggling.

I must admit, though, that I do want a steadier job, even though I know that being a cashier has improved my disposition and attitude towards working. I'm glad to know from others that I've made their days brighter, and that I make people happy. The work environment also appeals so much to me that I wish I could be here for much, much longer. But I know it probably won't be permanent, and I'll have to shift somewhere else after a while. I don't want to depend on retail jobs so much anymore, as it drains a lot from the soul. Plus, as a cashier, I'm so restricted to the cash register and don't get to help people with books or merchandise as much as I'd like to.

Also, since I started work, I feel like I really haven't had enough time to do the things I wanted to accomplish. Whenever I come home from the city, it ends up being quite late. Also, I have to accompany my mom to fetch my aunt almost every night, and the back-and-forth trip takes about an hour, so that's an hour of my time taken away almost every night. In addition, it drains me of a lot of energy especially since my aunt works so late. (>_<);; I know it's not her fault and I shouldn't really blame anyone for my lack of time, but seriously, I cannot help but feel as though my own family is draining me of every spare moment I desire to use for my own little projects and needs.

It doesn't help that every time I get a day off, that day gets filled with chores that they decide to bombard on me. So it's draining in every possible sense: physically, mentally, even emotionally, I guess.

I'm sorry to sound so whiny on my first post of the year, but I guess I haven't had much time to think about this, either.

I've been feeling a lot more headaches and pains lately, even double vision. and I'm starting to be afraid that I'm also sacrificing my health for all this. I've always believed in balancing things out and I've always been confident that I've handled stress well in the past. Now, I'm not so sure (T.T);

I can feel my head swimming, even now. (>_<)

I guess this means it's time for some New Year's Resolutions? (笑)

1.) I will eat properly.
By this I mean I will also cut costs and start eating more food at home than out in the city. And by eating food at home I don't mean making instant noodles. (笑) I've said I wanted to lower my sweet intake, and honestly, this is one of the most difficult things I've had to promise myself. I need to control myself more, considering how quickly I manage to consume a box of cookies. (笑)

2.) I will have some form of good exercise every day, even if it's just a few push-ups, some ballet exercises, or even jumping jacks.
Ideally, I would have music to dance to every morning. That would be a good way to start the day.

3.) Read more books.
And by this I mean actual books, like classics, bestsellers, et cetera. I bought an e-reader expressly for this purpose, and I think I've been getting some good use out of it (^^)

4.) Write and draw more.
At least once a week I should have a few drawings completed, and some more ideas jotted down for the stories in my head. I have three different genres to write for, and I know my manga has not been properly drawn or planned out! I have to accomplish something this year! Ideally, I should have a chapter of the manga out every month. I'll see how far I can go~

5.) Following that, I will need to study my Japanese in earnest.
I have everything at my fingertips and I should not hesitate to use them.

6.)All in all...I need to take care of myself.
Because looking back, I have been very lucky in life, even if I'm not exactly where I want to be. And even though I'm not, I have the ability to get to where I want to be, if I only pick myself up and go towards it.

So I will.

I think, in the middle of everything, I've forgotten what it means to be strong. And forgotten the source of my strength.

So I'm going back.

Music, words, prayers.

I need to bring it all back.

To anyone who still passes through and reads, and checks this blog, thank you and I love you.

明けましておめでとうございます！今年もよろしくおねがいします！
皆さん、一緒に頑張りましょう!

[Happy New Year! Please be kind to me this year as well. Everyone, let's work hard together!]

お久しぶり!

It's been a very long time (笑)

I've been busy! My job as a Halloween store sales associate is over, so I went around looking for a job around last week.

I'm extremely happy that I got employed again, this time at a bookstore! (笑) I think I'm only going to be hired for the holiday season, but I think they have a tendency to permanently keep their holiday temps, so I hope I do well (^^)

Today was actually my first day as a cashier there, and the process is very different, but I'm slowly getting used to it. I really want to stay for a long while, so I hope for the best.

Oh, and before I forget, here are some photos from our apple picking several weeks ago!


Here are all the apples we picked (笑)


And me with a pumpkin! Since it was that close to Halloween, there were so many pumpkins. And this one was heavy!

And speaking of Halloween, this was my Halloween costume on my last day of work (笑)


In other news, I have become an almost-regular customer at Kinokuniya! I have so many cute things now thanks to them, but I have to curb my spending now. I need to control my spending! But I'll show you guys what I got sometime, okay? (笑)

I've also been more active on Livejournal again lately; I've kind of turned it into my fangirling journal. I'm probably gonna pop a new little icon for the sidebar soon.(笑)

I've recently become a huge fan of the BL anime/manga Sekaiichi Hatsukoi, and clearly, it has impacted my life that heavily. (笑) For those of you who enjoy reading/watching BL, and enjoyed Shungiku Nakamura's Junjou Romantica, I encourage you to take a look at her spin-off, Sekaiichi Hatsukoi! Granted, there are no official licensed translations as of now, but there are scanlation groups working on it for now. I enjoyed this series a lot more than I did Junjou Romantica, and

I hope to update some more soon! I missed blogging, and I hope I have more things to post!

頑張ります!

Today~

We are going apple picking! (笑)

I will try to take some photos (^^)

They said we are going to the mountains??

TO THE MOUNTAINS! (笑)

Payday!

My first paycheck! (笑)

It actually isn't much, but I can expect a little bit more on my next payday, since I will have worked some more over that particular period of time.

I'm actually pretty happy about this (^^)v

Saa, let's keep moving forward, without hesitations!

Yudan sezu ni ikou. (笑)

So tired!

Today was my first day at work!

It was surprisingly tiring. (笑)

Since the temp store I was supposed to be working at wasn't even set up at all yet, we emptied two truckloads of boxes and shelving into the empty store, and basically we put together shelves and started putting products on them. (^^)

It was unexpected manual labor, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. (>_<)And I thought it was a good way to build friendships among coworkers and such. There were some troubling moments for me, but overall I think it was a good experience. (^^)

I'm very tired though! (笑) My muscles are all aching. (>_<)

I'm going to have to rest well tonight and tomorrow as well, if I plan to make it to work on Monday! (笑) At least from then on, it will be all about sales and store managing, rather than building and set-up. (^_^;)

I've had some interesting experiences this week as well.

I had several accidents in an art supply store the other day (笑)

I think I got jinxed? (笑)

After my interview at another job, I decided to pass by that art supply store, since it had a lot of drawing materials.

While I was there, I knocked over a small display of color pencils, stepped in a big puddle of spilled gesso, and while trying to wash the gesso off my foot, I bumped my head on a shelf in the employee bathroom. (>_<;)

It was a pretty eventful visit. (^^;)

Thankfully no lasting damage was done. I was in jeans and rubber slippers, and gesso easily washes out. Imagine if I had gone there while I was still fresh from my interview, in stockings and leather shoes! It would really have been a nightmare, since my foot was covered in the stuff. (笑)

I hope my being accident-prone won't impact my work so much. (笑)

Hoping for the best!

頑張ります!

I AM NO LONGER UNEMPLOYED!

I just got hired as a temp sales associate for the Halloween season!

I have a job!

Yes, it's only temporary, but it is still a good opportunity! Doing well also means you can get hired permanently.

Obviously my skills in horrifying people was useful in getting this job. (笑)

I also have an interview for anoter job tomorrow!

Wish me luck! (笑)

頑張ります!

Sorry!

It's been a while (^^;)

I'm staying over at my grandparents' place for about a week~
So, I won't be online for a while.

I'll try to blog when I can though!

I just decided to take a few moments to think about a few things.
Since there's limited internet, it's possible to have time to work on some things if I can. I brought paper and my pencils for the manga I'm working on.

Dear self,
Please fix your sleeping schedule and try to sleep at a reasonable hour. (>_<)
You will have more time to work on manga and stories if you do.
Also, please focus. This is not the first time you have spaced out without thought or registering things in front of you.

Try harder to find a job, self. It's harder to make dreams come true when you have no money. Just throw yourself into this.

Work harder.
Dream higher.
Focus!
And make sure you have your road.

Love,
me. (笑)

I'm not sure about myself these days.
I've been unable to focus again and it's a little frustrating.
Time to start again?

頑張ります!(笑)

Happy 26th Birthday, Masa!

Happy 26th birthday, Nakagauchi Masataka.

The year went by so quickly!

I’m wishing you all the best, and even more!

Keep dancing, singing, and doing what you love.

Your smile shines bright when everything feels dark, and your songs have always hoisted me back on my feet.

I’m sure they touch many people’s hearts too.

Your dream of being famous all over the world will become reality!

君は僕の太陽　今もずっと変わらない。

You are and will always be my sun.

And you will forever be my hero, and my idol.

I can only hope I will be as successful as you are, someday, whatever I become.

I love you!!!

Atlantic City and Manhattan!

It was a pretty hectic two days for me (笑)

I honestly don't have too many photos from Atlantic City, but it was an enjoyable trip all the same~
It was a very long drive from home to there though!
It took us around three to four hours just to get there, so by the time we arrived, we were so hungry!(笑) We stuffed ourselves with food at a buffet. (^^)
We were also given some coupons worth ten dollars that we could use in the different slot machines.We didn't really win anything though. (笑) Oh well, it wasn't so bad~ I'm not a very big fan of gambling, really.

I was supposed to blog about it yesterday, but because we finished so late, and got home so late, we didn't have the energy left to do anything except go to bed. (笑)

Then, the very next day, we woke up to hit Manhattan~

We intended to go and see the Statue of Liberty, but, again, since we started so late, we ended up eating at Yoshinoya and just going around the city for interesting places to take photos at. Of course, I had to take some shots in the busy, busy Times Square. (^^)

We drove around and around the city, but I think most of our time was wasted on looking for a free parking space near any interesting area.(笑) We went to the Lincoln Center for the Performing Arts~

I really like their steps, it flashes "Welcome" in several different languages, including Tagalog (which is not in the photo, haha), as well as the different theaters, organizations and schools associated with it. I wonder if I'll ever make it here someday?(笑)

I would be more excited for ballet seasons if I could afford to watch them (笑) But really, I think it's great. Someday, someday!


I was actually quite excited to pose underneath this sign, but, because we thought we didn't fit the whole sign into the photo, I kind of got embarrassed and flailed around. (^^;) My dignity, lost forever! (笑) I am no longer the ballerina I used to be.

I'm still not sure how I will manage to continue living here in the United States, far from everything and everyone I love, but maybe my perspective will change after I have landed a job and started accomplishing the things I want to...well, accomplish. (笑)
Until then!

頑張ります!

I live on a farm?? (笑)

My family has been growing some vegetables lately (笑)

And we managed to harvest some green bell peppers and cherry tomatoes (^^)

We also have some eggplants and another variety of tomato growing on our property, but sadly, the squirrels and other animals seem to be eating them, even before they ripen! (>_<)

We set up a fence recently, so I hope it helps~ One of the white eggplants seems to be swelling up nicely, so if the squirrels leave it alone we might be able to harvest it. (笑)

We have some guests over at our house today, apparently some friends from my mom and aunts' childhood. They've been chatting nonstop since lunchtime, I guess they've been catching up on all those lost years. (笑)

Might be going someplace this weekend~

Hopefully it's interesting? (笑) I think we have plans to drive up to either Philadelphia or Atlantic City, whichever they decide to hit first. My aunt finally got some vacation time, so she's particularly cheerful today(^^)

Ja, I need to take a shower and sleep now (笑) It's gotten so late and I had to wash a lot of dishes from our meals today (^^;)

Until next time~

I will take photos! (笑)

Lately...

I've been getting a lot of headaches (^^;)

Must be the weather, it's been very hot recently...

I called the Japanese-American Society as I said I would, and thankfully they told me to send over my resume. However, they would be closed on August 1-8, so if I get an interview, it would have to be after that. I hope things go well(>_<)

Somehow, when it comes to organizations or places like this, I feel more confident answering people's questions about it. Maybe because I know it better, or I know what I want? (笑)

I find that I am very happy whenever I am allowed to immerse myself in Japanese culture and art. Of course, I have other things that I like, but somehow, reading about it or seeing pictures makes me feel very happy. I guess I really do like Japan, even if I have never been there.

I think that everybody has their own silly little dream, and for me, I guess it's being a star of some sort, like a performer, that is my silly little dream.

I mean, I blog like a Japanese actor/singer, and even fashion my blog after them. (笑)

Realistically though, I want to be known someday as an artist/designer and blogger. I think that my skills fall under these, and these are skills I can hone, and market to others. It may take some time, and I don't mind that as long as I can chase after my dreams.

I posted before about the things I wanted to do directly after getting a job, and I honestly think I would stick to it. I want to make my life better, but most of all, I want to make myself better.

I saw a quote of Confucius on Twitter earlier: "When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps."

I think this is very relevant to me, since there are so many things I want to accomplish. Many times, I think we are forced to abandon most of our dreams because we think they can't be done, but all we have to do sometimes is rethink the situation and find another way towards that dream.

I think my problem is that while I have a goal, I never clearly set out the steps that I need to take for it. (笑) It's real proof that I need to think more about what my goals need, huh?

I have some of my steps laid out, but I need to get to those stages before I start seeing what needs to be adjusted.

For now, I've been reading a lot of books and sources on art and other subjects, and I hope to emerge a more knowledgeable person. I'm also trying to start a comic or story, so I'm looking forward to the moment I set my first few pages out.

頑張ります!(笑)

Tension.

Right now, I'm basking in the aftermath of a family gathering.

Since some of my relatives heard that I might be called for a job interview soon, they gave me a lot of advice about it. There were a lot of laughs too, considering how much I banged my head on the desk in mock frustration at all the pressure.(笑)

Sometimes, I wonder what I really want in my life...

I'm very certain that I love the work involved in the major I studied, especially after my experience as an intern in an advertising company. I was quite happy about what I did and I honestly want to pursue a creative path...

But I think that Advertising might have been an excuse for me, to continue doing the things I love, like drawing. Sometimes I wonder if my path really lies in the Advertising world. I do love it, no matter how high-pressure it always seemed to be...

But after talking with my relatives, and after they pointed out how heavy the Japanese influence was on my resume, I started to wonder what was more important to me.

I mentioned the following things on my resume: that I could read, write and speak basic Japanese, that I headed a Japanese appreciation org, and even made a thesis based on Japanese culture in the Philippines. It almost very quickly overshadows the advertising experience, although in a creative aspect, I am very much inspired by Japanese art and culture.

I love the idea of a creative path, and I think I also mentioned somewhere that there were so many things I wanted to accomplish. But is it the idea of the creative path, or the creative path itself, that I want?

I'm just so drawn to Japanese culture as well that I also feel that I'm using advertising only as a means to pursue my dream of furthering Japanese culture studies. I mean, if your dreams need so much to fuel them, why not take a path to get that fuel, even if it's slightly off the dream path?

I'm really confused. (笑)

I feel bad for not seeing the road that leads to my goal, or the goal my road leads to.

One of my relatives suggested that since I was that involved in Japanese, I should try volunteering or looking for employment at a Japanese organization if I could find one. I could also work as a website maintainer, somehow.

On that whim, I looked up the Japan Society in New York, and while I didn't find any employment opportunities, I did find some nice internships. I was particularly interested in an internship on Performing Arts. There are so many events in the Japan Society that I wish I could go to, and programs I wish I could take, but I guess it will have to wait until they start employing again.

On another hunch, I looked up Japan organizations in my area, and I found the Japanese-American Society of New Jersey. Lo and behold, there were job opportunities, maybe even something I'm qualified for.

I got excited by the idea, surprisingly, a lot more excited than I ever was for the other interview that I may or may not have. My mother says I should try calling them to ask about the job openings.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm this excited for it...I hope I'm doing the right thing.

I'll give them a call this Monday.(笑)

Please wish me luck!

My haaaaair

The hairstylist didn't want to cut it at first (笑)

She kept saying, "But your hair! You have beautiful hair!"

I think I'm happy enough with this length (> <)

I might cut it very short someday, though!

We'll see. (笑)

Speaking of cutting it very short, the stylist also suggested that if I were to cut it short after growing it so long, I may as well donate my hair to make wigs for cancer patients. (笑)

I would actually be very glad to!

I would even consider shaving my head (笑)

Panicking!

Getting my hair cut today! (> <)

I'm actually a little worried...

I never liked getting haircuts (=o=)

But we'll see what happens (> <)

Finally!

Thanks to help from my bff-waifu Kimm, I managed to understand and edit the HTML for this blog, and now I've given it an overhaul!

What do you guys think? (笑)

I'll probably add more things to the site as time goes by. (^^) It was difficult, staring at the HTML and cleaning up some of it, searching for other templates and doing research, just to get this result. Thankfully, in the end, it was actually a simple enough process. (笑) I'll be able to handle it better next time~

I know that it's been a very long time since I made a proper blog post, and I owe everyone some photos. (笑) Not to worry! I'll make sure to write more!(I hope.)

So far I think I'm surviving, and I'm also a little pleased that my deviantART account is starting to live again. I've been working on my drawing and coloring lately, and I hope to get better.

I feel like I always say that, but never really finish?

Easier said than done, I guess. (笑)

I might be spreading myself a little too thin over the things I want to do, but I think eventually things will even out, and I'll know what I can accomplish.

I'll do what I can!

Oh, and, I made a very emotional post on Tumblr yesterday, regarding the Harry Potter series.

I don't think I want to post it here again. (笑) I don't want to cry!

But yes, Harry Potter has been my childhood...I learned a lot from it, and it has made an impact on my speech and writing...it encouraged me to read...I feel very sad that we've come to the end of an era.

I'll be watching the final movie, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2, tomorrow in New York.

I think I should bring either a handkerchief, or a box of tissues. (笑)

Blog overhaul within the next few days!

As you can see, I finally managed to put the navigation links for previous and next posts (^^)

I'm still figuring out how to add another sidebar (^^;) and I'm thinking of making a new header...But yeah. Hopefully by the end of this week it'll be all finished, depending how long I have to stare at Blogspot HTML to fix this. (笑)

Good news~!

I think I have a job interview tomorrow~ （笑）

I'll be going to New York tomorrow on my own. Some family friends recommended me to a company and they'll be taking me there... (^^;)

I've been very nervous about finding a job since I started living here, since I feel like everything depends on it. There are so many things I want to accomplish in my life, and somehow, having a job makes it feel a lot more possible. (>_<)

All right!

This will be a fresh, fresh start! （笑）

These are the things I want to do:

1) Study graphic and web design. Whether it's by self-study or through lessons or a school, I want to study this and become more proficient. It takes time, so I will have to make time. I've started reading and picking up my pencils again.
I'm also going to start being active on the Toradora! Tumblr that I have, as an exercise in simple things like photo editing/arranging/whatnot. I hope to get better with time.

2) Learn dance. I know it's easy to find dance studios in the area. I will learn and persevere. Hiphop and ballet, anyone? （笑）

3) In case I find it difficult to get into a dance studio, (or in addition to learning dance) I want to study a martial art. Since it promotes discipline and inner strength, and sense of self, I want to pick up one. I saw several karate studios nearby, I think it will be fairly easy to get to one.

4) This is just a side note, but as a fourth thing, I want to pass my driving test on my first try. Because I want to show up my mom who failed the written test three times (although she didn't have to take a practical.)

5) I want a place of my own, and a kitchen of my own. This is self-explanatory. I want my own apaaatoooo.

6) I'm planning to take the Japanese Language Proficiency Test in December, so I'll be self-studying and translating manga and songs as a project within the next, er, 6 months?

I think this is it for now? （笑）
My dreams aren't impossible, are they? （笑）

頑張ります!